Tomorrow marks 29 weeks! We now have a 90-95% survival rate and our goal is to now keep them in longer to decrease the time they will have to spend in the NICU. The doctor on call over the weekend told us if we make it to 34 weeks there is a 50/50 chance that they will be able to go home with us! Our doctor is now telling us that he may let them stay in until 35 or 36 weeks now depending on how they are doing...I'm really ok with 34 weeks...REALLY!
I think it may have hit Jason and I over the past week that we will be bringing additional family members home from this experience and apparently we haven't put much thought into how we will manage them...a potential problem! Jason read a schedule for taking care of twins which leaves 35 minutes of "You Time" every 4 hours...he then told me that "maybe we should have rethought this..." I think we are committed at this point! Our poor children have no idea the ride they are in for with us! Heck, I don't think we have any idea of what kind of ride WE are in for.
The babies are doing well and definitely growing. Most days I feel like a turtle stranded on it's back; and just the act of turning over in bed is enough to make me need a nap. We had a sonogram yesterday that was all of about 30 seconds and again the doctor told us everything is "status quo". I started having sporadic contractions last Saturday that are usually mild, but the severe ones have confirmed why I will not finish this pregnancy unmedicated! I don't know how the human race managed to survive with out pain meds! No one seems concerned about the contractions unless they are super painful and close together. Apparently it's normal to have contractions at this point with multiples and it's not a predictor that labor will happen sooner rather than later...could have fooled me!
I got to meet my neighbor a few days ago, Lindsey. The charge nurse came up to me in the hall and asked if I would mind visiting with her. Her husband had met Jason a few days prior and she knew that I "walked around"...a coveted privilege on this floor. She also told me that she could hear the babies heart beat when they are monitored and wanted to meet me. It has been really nice to have someone to visit with a few times a week during the day. She is basically in the same situation as I am, but has identical twin girls. It has been very helpful to have someone to talk with who truly understands the situation I'm in. I think the staff may regret introducing us since I have informed her of all of the things she can have here at the hospital that you just have to ask (sometime repeatedly) for. She told me that she hated her bed, the same bed I had when I came in here and after 4 days of asking they still hadn't gotten her a new bed. We found her a better bed down the hall and I asked the charge nurse if she would move it for her...4 hours later she had a new bed! Then I informed her of the new and improved lunch menu they have given me...she now gets human food from the cafeteria for lunch too! I figure I have fought most of my battles for comfort here so I might as well pass along what I've learned...it shouldn't be a difficult process, but trust me...it is!
All in all everything is going well and I seem to have maintained the majority of my sanity! 5 weeks down...5 weeks to go!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Give 'Em Hell!
If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will.
For the past 2-3 weeks I have been fighting the food battle. I have been trying to figure out a way to be allowed to order from the main cafeteria instead of the crummy menu that comes to my room everyday. I have talked to nutrition, dietary services, a social worker and the antepartum unit manager. It seems that I am the only person to ever make this request. I don't know how some of the patients who have stayed here much longer than I have already (some 7 months!) have done it. Everyone has tried to be more than helpful, but there just seems to be a lack of communication. Finally, yesterday they brought me a modified menu from the main cafeteria where I can order from a different station each day. Much better than my options before, but I still don't understand why I can't order what I want when I want...It seems like a simple concept to me...Tell me what's in the cafeteria and I tell you what I want...why do I have to be so limited? I guess some progress is better than no progress at all.
My lunch today was DELICIOUS...they are totally holding out on their patients here. I think if the patients knew what they could have they would have a riot on their hands and I would have no problem being their leader!
Yummie brisket and potato salad...I ordered coslaw, but they were out so I got a butt loat of potato salad
Banana pudding...I have been wanting this for a month!
Normally I LOVE pickles, but these were icky :-(
My second "Stick Up for Yourself" moment came this morning at 5:45am when the lab lady stormed in my room and flipped on the lights. They really need some training on how to deal with sleeping patients and how to enter their room. She came in to inform me that she was here to draw a CBC (complete blood count to check for infection and anemia). No one had mentioned this to me before now and I had just had one done on Saturday which was perfect. The lab lady preceded to tell me that they order these everyday and I told her "No they don't and you can go get the nurse". My night nurse didn't know why they ordered the blood work (there was nothing written in the physician notes) and my physician and I discussed the results yesterday and he said everything was going on track and he wasn't concerned about anything. Being a nurse I either thought there is something he is concerned about that he isn't telling me, which wouldn't surprise me since he says all of about 10 words every morning, or there has been a error. Either way I expected a explanation and rationalization before I became their pin cushion. Needless to say I pulled my "Right to Refuse" card and told the nurse I would discuss it with him this morning when he came in and if WE decided that I still needed the test the lab could come back.
When the doctor came in my room at 7:30 am the first thing is said is "How are you doing, besides being a typical nurse who questions my orders?" I didn't answer his question, but if he knew how many errors I have seen physicians make he would know why I question all of his or any other physician's orders. I communicated with him that he did not discuss ordering a CBC with me yesterday and that if he is going to order something I need him to tell me so I can ask questions and make sure we are on the same page. He didn't like that too much and said "Well let me tell you something" (not kidding he said that!)..."I'm may be sitting at the computer and think to order something I didn't tell you and I'm too old to walk back over here to let you know". I was very proud of myself and only told him that those things are important to me and I need to know. Through our discussion and me questioning him of why he ordered the same lab test again so soon it came out that he was unaware that the doctor on call over the weekend had ordered the test and if he would have seen that he would not have ordered it. I was honestly shocked that he admitted that he had missed it and gave him credit for being honest with me and told him "that's why I ask questions". Let's just say I did not get another CBC done this morning...He may fire me as his patient, but I didn't get needless blood work done!
Brief update on the past week's excitment:
Hunter came to visit me on Sunday! I wish he could stay all the time.
Jason surprised me yesterday (Valentines Day) at lunch with beautiful flowers and another box of chocolate covered strawberries...he sure does know how to make me happy. He also took me for a wheelchair ride to Subway for lunch. Not our most romantic Valentine's Day, but one we won't forget!
Flowers my mom brought me last week...she brings me a new bunch every week as a congratulations for making it one more week! She also brought me a baby gift Sunday...a Coach baby bag!!!!! I was so excited...I have wanted one of those before I even knew I was pregnant!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
3 Weeks and Counting
Today marks 3 weeks that I have been in my new humble abode. Not too many exciting things to write about thankfully. The babies are behaving during their monitoring 95% of the time. I think they are tired of being messed with and like to give the nurses a hard time sometimes. They aren't fond of the monitor or the pressure from the bands that hold them on...they always start to kick right where the monitor is.
Babies on the monitor...not one of my finer looking days!
Bennett has the hiccups! Listen for the rhythmic scratchy sound.
We had another sonogram on Saturday...no new pictures :-( We discovered Blake has a large head (he takes after Jason!). It measured about 2 weeks ahead of where he is, but everything looked normal. Blake weighed 2 pounds 2 ounces and Bennett weighed 1 pound 12 ounces. They didn't gain as much weight as I was hoping considering I gained 4 pounds. I was just certain that I would have 2 3 pound babies in there! Guess I should cut back on the Snickers ice cream cones :-)
Despite my weight gain I think they are worried I'm not eating enough. They started sending up Carnation instant breakfast drinks with all of my meals for a extra 350 calories per can and they keep asking if I'm eating. I don't think they realize how much I actually eat, it's just not the food they send me. I have given up on eating their food. It's the same thing day after day and I finally had enough chef salad! I have wonderful friends and family who keep bringing delicious food and goodies...even the staff feels sorry for me having to eat the hospital slop and one of the nurses brought Jason and I homemade soup and cornbread on her day off!
Zucchini...it's the only vegetable on the menu that isn't potatoes or rice. We haven't been brave enough to try it just by it's looks.
Jason will eat this, but I can't bring myself to do it. I think they forgot the part that it needs to look like it tastes good too!
Random photos and thoughts from the past few weeks:
The nurses always make fun of me for all of my pillows and blankets, but a girl has to be comfy!
We have made a few alterations in the entertainment system. Jason brought our TV from our bedroom up so we wouldn't have to look at the ceiling and listen to the sound out of the nurse call button. He brings the DVR up on the weekend so we can catch up on our TV shows since they don't have all the good channels here. How can they get away without having E! or TLC...those are staples! We also brought up 2 lamps for better lighting. It's going to take a small UHaul to move us out of here!
Last week when it was literally 12 degrees outside the heater on our floor decided not to work. It was 58-60 degrees in our room and wouldn't get any warmer. I have never seen Jason cranky and cold, but he was. The nurses knew he was cold because he was wearing jeans and a jacket! There was a blanket shortage in the hospital and they ran out of clean blankets...people were not happy. The nurses weren't making fun of my blankets these days! Jason lined to window with pillows and blankets and we turned to the blow dryer to stay warm. You laugh, but it works!
Beautiful tulips my Aunt brought me...they started to droop and then our room got so cold they stood back up!
Some of my wonderful previous co-workers who came to visit. We had a great time. It's always a fun when they are around!
Jason knocked my toothbrush in the toilet...good thing I had a backup!
Jason took some pictures of the somewhat finished nursery...We still need to add somethings on the walls, but I am so happy with the way it turned out!
Finally I thought I would share a video that I can't help but laugh at...If you are easily offended you may not want to watch. It's a spoof about prenatal pole dancing from Funny or Die.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Turning Pain into Purpose
After 2 weeks and 3 days being cooped up in a room laying in bed (or couch) is starting to get a little old. I just keep thinking only 8 more weeks. Not quite sure what my level of sanity will be like in 8 weeks, but none the less 8 more weeks (hopefully). It's one of those things where I want to leave for me, but I need to be here for them. I guess it's my first motherly duty of putting my children before me (I just thought I would have a few more months of "me time").
At some point you have to stop and ask yourself in situations such as this "Is there more to this that just the obvious?" I think life lessons come out of every situation, sometimes you just have to look for them.
When Jason and I were trying to get pregnant I became so frustrated after a few months. You spend so much time trying not to have a baby, that when you want one you think it will just happen. Well let me tell you it doesn't. I had been told that year by more than just one person that I needed to be patient. Not with just getting pregnant, but with other things in life as well. If you know me at all you know I want things when I want them and I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Sitting and waiting is not my forte. After taking a step back and looking at my situation I thought God must be trying to teach me patience. It seemed to be the running theme that year of my life. I tried to focus on becoming more patient and calmer (I tend to be wound pretty tight sometimes!) and still nothing.
I felt so blessed when we became pregnant with our first round of IUI. It seemed that things were falling into place. A friend of my cousin's gave us her left over fertility medication (which saved us about $500.00!) and we were on our way to having a family. With our first sonogram we were told not to expect to have twins when we came back in 2 weeks since baby A was so much smaller than baby B. At this point I thought maybe I hadn't fully learned my lesson on becoming patient. Waiting 2 weeks to find out felt like a eternity and I didn't get my hopes up because I didn't want to be disappointed. I had to focus on the short term instead of the long term like I normally do. As Jason says to me "You are never satisfied". This is because I tend not to live in the moment because I am always thinking about tomorrow and what comes next. At this point I had focus on the here and now and be thankful for what I had at the time.
As we have progressed through this pregnancy I have had no choice but to be patient and live in the here and now. This is one of the first times in my life where I have not been able to be in control of everything, which is hard for a type A personality, and the first time where I have not been able to look and plan for the future for more than a week at a time. It has been a long road to learn these lessons, and I know I'm not even close to mastering patience or living in the moment, but I feel that I have made progress and I will be a better mother because of it.
If all of this would have happened a few years ago it would have driven me crazy that I don't have every little detail planned out. I don't have a outfit picked out for them to come home in...I maybe have 10 outfits total that I have bought here and there..., I don't have a middle name picked out for Bennett, and I don't have all the "stuff" you are supposed to have for when your baby comes home, but for some reason after all that we have been through those things seem like nothing and don't really stress me out like I know they would have if we hadn't been through this experience we have with these little guys. It has made me be thankful that I still have both of my babies and that they now have a fighting chance. It's the people and experiences in life that are important, not the "stuff". I'm now trying to take time to "stop and smell the roses". I enjoy every little kick that I feel, getting to hear my babies heart beats several times a day (which I'm getting to listen to right now!), and getting to watch them grow week by week...something every mom wishes she could do!
I guess to sum it all up, I'm glad I took the time to think about what good could come from the pain and frustration over the past year and a half and I think I will be a better person for it in the end.
At some point you have to stop and ask yourself in situations such as this "Is there more to this that just the obvious?" I think life lessons come out of every situation, sometimes you just have to look for them.
When Jason and I were trying to get pregnant I became so frustrated after a few months. You spend so much time trying not to have a baby, that when you want one you think it will just happen. Well let me tell you it doesn't. I had been told that year by more than just one person that I needed to be patient. Not with just getting pregnant, but with other things in life as well. If you know me at all you know I want things when I want them and I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Sitting and waiting is not my forte. After taking a step back and looking at my situation I thought God must be trying to teach me patience. It seemed to be the running theme that year of my life. I tried to focus on becoming more patient and calmer (I tend to be wound pretty tight sometimes!) and still nothing.
I felt so blessed when we became pregnant with our first round of IUI. It seemed that things were falling into place. A friend of my cousin's gave us her left over fertility medication (which saved us about $500.00!) and we were on our way to having a family. With our first sonogram we were told not to expect to have twins when we came back in 2 weeks since baby A was so much smaller than baby B. At this point I thought maybe I hadn't fully learned my lesson on becoming patient. Waiting 2 weeks to find out felt like a eternity and I didn't get my hopes up because I didn't want to be disappointed. I had to focus on the short term instead of the long term like I normally do. As Jason says to me "You are never satisfied". This is because I tend not to live in the moment because I am always thinking about tomorrow and what comes next. At this point I had focus on the here and now and be thankful for what I had at the time.
As we have progressed through this pregnancy I have had no choice but to be patient and live in the here and now. This is one of the first times in my life where I have not been able to be in control of everything, which is hard for a type A personality, and the first time where I have not been able to look and plan for the future for more than a week at a time. It has been a long road to learn these lessons, and I know I'm not even close to mastering patience or living in the moment, but I feel that I have made progress and I will be a better mother because of it.
If all of this would have happened a few years ago it would have driven me crazy that I don't have every little detail planned out. I don't have a outfit picked out for them to come home in...I maybe have 10 outfits total that I have bought here and there..., I don't have a middle name picked out for Bennett, and I don't have all the "stuff" you are supposed to have for when your baby comes home, but for some reason after all that we have been through those things seem like nothing and don't really stress me out like I know they would have if we hadn't been through this experience we have with these little guys. It has made me be thankful that I still have both of my babies and that they now have a fighting chance. It's the people and experiences in life that are important, not the "stuff". I'm now trying to take time to "stop and smell the roses". I enjoy every little kick that I feel, getting to hear my babies heart beats several times a day (which I'm getting to listen to right now!), and getting to watch them grow week by week...something every mom wishes she could do!
I guess to sum it all up, I'm glad I took the time to think about what good could come from the pain and frustration over the past year and a half and I think I will be a better person for it in the end.
I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Thoughts from Jason
We thought it would be a good idea for me to post something to help provide another perspective to our story. Plus, I hear its cathartic. Now that I am thinking through our story it covers the spectrum of clichés.
Hanging on to the dog by the tail – That pretty much describes how things have been going for us recently. We have always been told that we should have a 2-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan. Well that is all well and good, but with all that has happened recently we are lucky to plan our next meal let alone a year in advance. From the moment when I pulled in the driveway to see my lovely wife holding a onsey to signal that she passed her pregnancy test my world has been turned on its ear. I always knew it would after the children arrived, but I never suspected it would happen this far in advance. Now that I think about it, it started when we went back to see Dr. Kaufman for our 1st sonogram. Again, another moment I will never forget when he nonchalantly looked at Julie’s HCG level prior to the sono and quipped about there only being one baby on board. Then when he was examining her he again just laid it out there…well I have been wrong before. This immediately made me sit up in my chair and pay a little closer attention. I asked what he meant by that and he quickly pointed out our two little ones.
Life is an emotional roller coaster – Another cliché that is applicable here is this has been an emotional roller coaster. Like I previously mentioned the high was when we learned we were pregnant and the low of lows was when our original OB predicted that our dear “baby A” wouldn’t survive another month. Little did he know Bennett or Adalyn is a fighter and didn’t subscribe to his theory.
Learn something new every day – With that being said let me tell you this has been an extremely educational experience. I am a firm believer that you should learn from every experience you have in life and let me tell you friends I have learned my share. I have learned how to read a sonogram. When we first started out it all looked like snow on a TV with bad reception. Now I can tell you how to find other than gross anatomy, the lungs, heart, bladder, kidneys, and chord (if they turn the color on). I am pretty sure that I can run a sonogram machine with as much accuracy as most sonographers. With exception of Dr. Tabor they all have to fish around to find what they are looking for. After our first appointment with him I called him the baby whisperer. He put the probe on Julie and didn’t have to move it to find the lungs, kidneys, and bladder of baby A. Him finding those organs was the point when we started finding our hope again. Now that we are settled in our new home I have learned a few more things. I can now read a heart tones monitor and can interpret fetal heart tones, and discern when Julie is having a contraction, irritability or just has to pee. I have learned how to insulate a room with pillows, blankets, mattress pads. How to level a “bed” with building scraps. I can also now do a head to toe assessment including reflexes. One of the most important things that has been reinforced is that having a strong reliable circle of family and friends is imperative to get through something like this. You all can’t imagine how much it means to us to have your thoughts, prayers, visits, food, care support and love throughout this ordeal.
Ok time to administer evening meds, observe heart tones, dry some hair, and get some shut eye.
Hanging on to the dog by the tail – That pretty much describes how things have been going for us recently. We have always been told that we should have a 2-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan. Well that is all well and good, but with all that has happened recently we are lucky to plan our next meal let alone a year in advance. From the moment when I pulled in the driveway to see my lovely wife holding a onsey to signal that she passed her pregnancy test my world has been turned on its ear. I always knew it would after the children arrived, but I never suspected it would happen this far in advance. Now that I think about it, it started when we went back to see Dr. Kaufman for our 1st sonogram. Again, another moment I will never forget when he nonchalantly looked at Julie’s HCG level prior to the sono and quipped about there only being one baby on board. Then when he was examining her he again just laid it out there…well I have been wrong before. This immediately made me sit up in my chair and pay a little closer attention. I asked what he meant by that and he quickly pointed out our two little ones.
Life is an emotional roller coaster – Another cliché that is applicable here is this has been an emotional roller coaster. Like I previously mentioned the high was when we learned we were pregnant and the low of lows was when our original OB predicted that our dear “baby A” wouldn’t survive another month. Little did he know Bennett or Adalyn is a fighter and didn’t subscribe to his theory.
Learn something new every day – With that being said let me tell you this has been an extremely educational experience. I am a firm believer that you should learn from every experience you have in life and let me tell you friends I have learned my share. I have learned how to read a sonogram. When we first started out it all looked like snow on a TV with bad reception. Now I can tell you how to find other than gross anatomy, the lungs, heart, bladder, kidneys, and chord (if they turn the color on). I am pretty sure that I can run a sonogram machine with as much accuracy as most sonographers. With exception of Dr. Tabor they all have to fish around to find what they are looking for. After our first appointment with him I called him the baby whisperer. He put the probe on Julie and didn’t have to move it to find the lungs, kidneys, and bladder of baby A. Him finding those organs was the point when we started finding our hope again. Now that we are settled in our new home I have learned a few more things. I can now read a heart tones monitor and can interpret fetal heart tones, and discern when Julie is having a contraction, irritability or just has to pee. I have learned how to insulate a room with pillows, blankets, mattress pads. How to level a “bed” with building scraps. I can also now do a head to toe assessment including reflexes. One of the most important things that has been reinforced is that having a strong reliable circle of family and friends is imperative to get through something like this. You all can’t imagine how much it means to us to have your thoughts, prayers, visits, food, care support and love throughout this ordeal.
Ok time to administer evening meds, observe heart tones, dry some hair, and get some shut eye.
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