Out and About!

Today in a spur of the moment decision I decided to take the boys out shopping with the help of our nanny Lisa!  I'm not brave enough to try by myself yet!  We went shopping at Carter's and got some cute outfits for the boys for fall.  I get so tired of staying in the house all day or only getting out when I have a doctor appointment for Bennett, I know the boys have to be tired of staying at home too.  It went well for the most part except Bennett cried the whole way there and fell asleep when we were about 5 minutes from the store...he then decided to wake up when we got him out of the car.  Since he was exhausted he cried the whole way home.  I have a feeling he will sleep the rest of the afternoon.  Blake is great to take out.  He LOVES it.  He sleeps in the car better than he does when he is at home and loves to ride in his stroller.  I think I may need to try to get out more with Bennett so he can get use to riding in his car seat.  I must admit that I am a bit jealous of my friends with just one baby that can just pick up and go at the drop of a hat by themselves...I've got to work up the courage to do that with the boys, but I just can't wrap my head around it yet.  Maybe I will try when Bennett is off oxygen since there will be less equipment to lug around!

Currently we are trying to wean Bennett off his oxygen.  He was off all day yesterday and did great.  He was so happy to not have to wear his cannula.  We are shooting to try him off at night this weekend.  We are sure it will be a sleepless night since he will have to wear his oxygen saturation monitor that go off ALL THE TIME!  Once we get him off oxygen we just have to get him eating and life will be perfect for Bennett!  I must admit that curiosity killed the cat this weekend and we couldn't wait any longer to see what Bennett would do if we gave him solids.  I know you are supposed to do foods in a certain order, but all we had was baby pears in the pantry so that's what he got.  He maybe got a entire baby spoon full, but it didn't seem to bother him at all.  Blake seemed more disturbed by the texture than Bennett did.  I didn't want to push him to eat more since he really isn't ready yet, but it gave me hope that someday he will eat!

Blake trying out his high chair...he prefers to eat his lovies right now!

Getting ready to take Christmas pictures...I bought the boys matching Santa hats!

Bennett off his oxygen yesterday...he is always happy!

Bennett talking, talking and talking some more!

Blake on his play mat...he loves reaching for things and getting them in his mouth!  You can hear Bennett still talking in the background!

Blake's version of tummy time...I don't think he will ever roll over this way!

Bennett's version of tummy time...just chillin'

Blake playing in his bumbo seat...with a little help sitting up, but he's close!

Good Times!

Things are starting to pick up and I can see the boys changing every day!  Blake is now reaching for things and putting them in his mouth...his favorite is the burp cloth, both boys are trying to pull themselves forward to sit up, Blake laughs almost on cue and Bennett is starting to chuckle (I almost got it on video last night)!  Things seemed to be at a stand still for quite a few, but now I'm afraid that time is going to fly by and I want to savor every moment.

I love how Bennett likes to sleep with his rear in the air!

Not my finest work, but I hadn't taken their picture with their monkey in a while...maybe next month they will be a little more put together!  It was just that kind of day!

We went to the GI doctor for Bennett today since he has been throwing up after quite a bit of his feeds for the past few weeks and got some of his medication changed around to hopefully help his reflux.  She told us not to rule of a fundoplication...basically they surgically make it to where he can't throw up.  If it comes to that point we will have to get a second and maybe a third opinion.  Right now we are going to try prevacid twice a day instead of once, erythromycin three times a day to help his stomach empty faster and we are going to mix his formula with a rice based formula to thicken it in hopes that it will make it more difficult for it to come back up.  I'm hoping we can get his reflux under control before we start solids in a month or two...I am really counting on him liking solids since he won't eat his bottles.  My greatest fear is we are going to have feeding issues for many years to come, but I'm still holding out hope!

Some great news for Bennett is we have been trying to wean him off of his oxygen and he has been doing great.  We had him off for almost 6 hours the other day and he didn't have any problems!  I'm hoping when we go back to the pulmonologist in October that she will tell us that he doesn't need his oxygen or at least that he can be without it during the day...I know it will make me a little nervous not to have it on him, but it will be so nice to freely move about the house with him!

Blake has been doing so much better with sleeping...I hate to put it out in the universe for fear that he will revert back to his old ways, but I am so proud of him.  He has only been getting up once at night, and since we only have to get up once to fill up Bennett's pump, Jason and I are beginning to feel human again.  It sure beats the nights where we were up 6 times in 8 hours!  I bought Blake a sound machine for his room and I don't know if that did the trick or if something just 'clicked', but he is going down a little easier for his naps too.  Our last battle was about a week ago where he cried for a hour and a half and only slept for 45 minutes.  The past few days I have been able to put him down awake and he is able to get to sleep on his own or with a little patting from mom!

Yesterday for the first time since both boys have been home Jason and I had a date.  We went to La Madeline for brunch and then went to see The Help.  It was nice to spend some one on one time with my sweet hubby.  We usually eat in shifts since dinner time is also bath and bed time for Blake and we usually don't go many place together since it's difficult to get both boys out at once.  I think once the movie was over though we both were missing our boys and couldn't wait to get home and see them!

Giggles!

Blake has started to GIGGLE!  I have the best time trying to get him to laugh, and in the past few days he has been laughing more and more!  This is what I've been waiting for :-)

Bennett is getting close to laughing more, but he's still prety serious.  Hopefully in a few days I will have a good video of a good belly laugh!

5 Months!

Where has the time gone?  They boys are already 5 months old!

We are still working on 3 month milestones like rolling over (Bennett is close), but they are making huge progress every day.  Both boys are smiling and laughing which make life a ton of fun!  Bennett is such a happy guy now.  He really only gets fussy when he wants to sleep and when you lay him down he is out in no time at all unlike Blake.  For Blake to take a nap you have to work at it.  There is lots of rocking, patting, walking and crying (mostly from Blake!).  He is slowly getting better and last night he only woke up once!  That is huge progress!  After 5 months of getting up at least 3-4 times, and as many as 8 times, to only get up twice (once for Bennett and once for Blake) was like a vacation!  I could get use to that kind of sleep!

I am starting to get into a routine with them, which means things will change again soon!  I am now comfortable being home with them by myself...most of the time.  I can handle it unless they both melt down on me at the same time, then the fun begins!  I still don't dare to take them both out by myself...that's just too much with all of Bennett's equipment and trying to keep them both pleasant in public.  Yesterday our new nanny Lisa and I took the boys to 2 doctor appointments in Dallas.  I got up at 6 am to leave the house by 9 for a appointment at 10:15am and we didn't get home until 3pm.  After that the boys were exhausted and cried the last 20 minutes of the ride home.  There is no way I could have done that venture alone.

Bennett no longer has to wear his wrist brace and his right arm only lacks 20-40 degrees from being straight.  The doctor yesterday didn't feel that the bones in his forearm are fused and that his arm will continue to get better.  She did briefly mention that he may have cerebral palsy in his right arm, but then after watching him she changed her mind...I just know I felt my stomach sink when she said it.  He has enough to deal with in his life and doesn't need another thing added to his plate!  His eating hasn't improved since he has been home, if anything he is eating less.  He has now started throwing up after most of his feeds so we are trying to get into see a GI doctor to find out more.  If I knew a month ago what I know now I wouldn't have worried so much about getting the G-button...honestly I'm glad we have it now.

It is so much fun to watch our boys grow and I am excited watching them meet more milestones in the near future!

Bennett telling his cousin Maddie secrets!

Loves his bath!

Who doesn't love naked baby pictures?

Not sure what this is called but he loves it!  It's fun to watch them discover new toys!

Blessed!

Today is my birthday and it gave me a point in time to stop and reflect where we were a year ago.  It is amazing how much things can change in a year.  This time last year I was on fertility medication getting ready to do the first cycle of IUI where we would conceive our boys!  I was at a point in my life where I was frustrated, desperate to have a baby after trying for over a year and beginning to face the fact that we may not have kids...now look at us.  I must admit that I never pictured this is where I would be a year later, but I am so thankful that I'm here with our 2 miracle babies!

27 was the hardest year of my life and changed me in ways that will last a lifetime.  I have learned so many lessons in the past year that it's hard to keep track.  I have learned to try to slow down and enjoy the little moments in life.  The boys are growing so fast and they are 5 months old today...where did the time go already?  I know they will be starting school before I know it and I will miss these days of sleepless nights and babies that love to snuggle with me!  I have learned to be careful what you ask for because it in my case it all came true. I wanted twins when we did fertility treatment and I never wanted to be a mom until I could be a stay at home mom.  That all sounds great and looks good on paper, but let me tell you it is the hardest job I have ever had and the job I will always be the most thankful for.  I know for the past year God has been trying to teach me patience and I know I am not fully there yet, but I get to practice daily and would like to think that I have made improvements.  I have learned to trust that He will take care of us if we stop and let Him.  There have been more times than I can count in the past year where I have found peace by believing that God would not give me more than I could handle and that if I took a moment to stop and look at what He was trying to tell me that everything would workout.  I will never forget being wheeled into the NICU still dazed from anesthesia.  They pushed me up next to Bennett's bed and all I could see was his hand.  I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open and I the image of the blue numbers on his pulse ox machine will be forever singed in my memory.  His oxygen sats were only 78% on the vent.  For some reason, be it the anesthesia or faith, I wasn't worried and I knew somehow that Bennett would be ok.  I don't know if I can ever fully describe the feeling of peace that I had at that moment when normally it would have been a moment that I would have been terrified out of my mind.

The past year has been filled with ups and downs, but I can honestly say that I am thankful for the road we have been down and the road that we continue to travel on.  It has opened my eyes to a new perspective in life and I am thankful for the lessons I have learned.  I think I will be a better person because of it!