Blessed!

Today is my birthday and it gave me a point in time to stop and reflect where we were a year ago.  It is amazing how much things can change in a year.  This time last year I was on fertility medication getting ready to do the first cycle of IUI where we would conceive our boys!  I was at a point in my life where I was frustrated, desperate to have a baby after trying for over a year and beginning to face the fact that we may not have kids...now look at us.  I must admit that I never pictured this is where I would be a year later, but I am so thankful that I'm here with our 2 miracle babies!

27 was the hardest year of my life and changed me in ways that will last a lifetime.  I have learned so many lessons in the past year that it's hard to keep track.  I have learned to try to slow down and enjoy the little moments in life.  The boys are growing so fast and they are 5 months old today...where did the time go already?  I know they will be starting school before I know it and I will miss these days of sleepless nights and babies that love to snuggle with me!  I have learned to be careful what you ask for because it in my case it all came true. I wanted twins when we did fertility treatment and I never wanted to be a mom until I could be a stay at home mom.  That all sounds great and looks good on paper, but let me tell you it is the hardest job I have ever had and the job I will always be the most thankful for.  I know for the past year God has been trying to teach me patience and I know I am not fully there yet, but I get to practice daily and would like to think that I have made improvements.  I have learned to trust that He will take care of us if we stop and let Him.  There have been more times than I can count in the past year where I have found peace by believing that God would not give me more than I could handle and that if I took a moment to stop and look at what He was trying to tell me that everything would workout.  I will never forget being wheeled into the NICU still dazed from anesthesia.  They pushed me up next to Bennett's bed and all I could see was his hand.  I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open and I the image of the blue numbers on his pulse ox machine will be forever singed in my memory.  His oxygen sats were only 78% on the vent.  For some reason, be it the anesthesia or faith, I wasn't worried and I knew somehow that Bennett would be ok.  I don't know if I can ever fully describe the feeling of peace that I had at that moment when normally it would have been a moment that I would have been terrified out of my mind.

The past year has been filled with ups and downs, but I can honestly say that I am thankful for the road we have been down and the road that we continue to travel on.  It has opened my eyes to a new perspective in life and I am thankful for the lessons I have learned.  I think I will be a better person because of it!