Yesterday was full of emotion and decisions to make. For the short version of the story a few road blocks popped up in getting Bennett to the facility where he was to be admited for the feeding program we were going to try. Jason and I had to take a step back and reassess our situation with Bennett getting a G-button verses coming home with a NG tube. We both felt that God was trying to tell us something with the hurdles He placed in our way and I have prayed that He would guide us to the right answer. I feel like He was screaming at me yesterday and since I asked for it I felt like I needed to listen. I guess what I am trying to say is Bennett will be getting his G-button tomorrow and coming home "soon". Unfortunately he will have to have general ansthesia and get intubated, but they assure me the procedure will be quick thus giving him the best opportunity to come off the vent quickly. I just hope I don't have to see him on the vent for the second time in his life...it will break my heart.
This decision has been the hardest part of this entire process...harder than staying in the hospital for 10 weeks, harder than him having surgery a month ago and harder than watching him grow up in the NICU. Everything prior to this just sort of 'happened' and we weren't given options. I guess this is where the tough part of being a parent begins. I feel like every decision we make could change his life and I want to make the right choices for him. We feel this decision will allow our family the least amount of stress while giving Bennett all the time he needs to learn to eat. My next obstical is coming up with a good story for him to tell if he still has this button when he is older and other kids ask what it is...I'm leaning toward something in the superhero genere!
Please think of Bennett tomorrow and pray that all turns out well, he is able to get off the vent quickly and that he is able to be home with his family in a few days!
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